I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
