ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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