if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
from now on my penis is your penis
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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