I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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