Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
