So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
