If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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