and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
