I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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