Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
