i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
