Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
