I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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