so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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