i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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