I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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