i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
