I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Couch. On fire.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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