Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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