Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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