I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
