i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
