sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
