I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
