I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
