I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
