I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
BRING THE BAGELS
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
