you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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