God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
