as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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