elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This baby is an asshole
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The power of my boobs compel you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
