Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
