Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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