I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
