Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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