there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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