It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
