for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's like iHOP with fire
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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