Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
