I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
