this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
