I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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