i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
