Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
