So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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