roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
