$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
