You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He keeps bees of course he's weird
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
