The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
