did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
