So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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