She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
