You're so nebulous sometimes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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