I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
