I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
