You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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