so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
