my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
