Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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