after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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