pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
