my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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