I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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