Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
