Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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