It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
