the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My balls are so social today.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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