A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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