We need to start having sex underwater more often.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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