google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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