i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
