dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
