did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
