I'm so fucking centered right now
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just cut my nipple shaving
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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