Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
