my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
